Despite loud and clear warnings, we allowed terrorists to enter the country, indeed, they ’served’ in Mumbai for a ’short internship’, kill people, spread terror, occupy a place honour in main stream media and die heroes’ deaths as far as their people were concerned.

This morning I saw the moron who is perched on the Prime Ministers chair, conduct an ‘all party meet’, where he was reading from a piece of paper, looking all saintly and ‘butter wont melt in my mouth’. In being as ‘holier than thou’ as he is, I doubt if he even realises what a jackass he looks like today. And then we have our esteemed Minister of External Affairs, Pranab Mukherjee, giving a statement to the press not even able to read from a sheet of paper properly… and we expect imbeciles like him to represent India’s interests abroad.

How do these idiots reach where they have? Because our politicians are representative of the vote bank, who by and large are uneducated and unaware. Therefore, our politicians too are unaware, uneducated louts who would do better collecting ‘hafta’ from paanwalahs than resting their derrières on padded chairs in constitutional institutions. In fact, most did and those that did were probably the better of the lot, as the rest were probably pimps and murderers.

Why do our agencies loath coordination? In fact, why do they loath working at all? If even one of them decided to wake up one morning and say ‘Today, instead of farting all day and drinking tea, I shall work’, India will benefit greatly. I know one chap, who I’m ashamed to say I’m related to, who never misses an opportunity to proudly state ‘I haven’t worked one day in my life and look at where I am today’. He is/was a senior chap working in some finance department of a ministry. He has three children, to whom he has no doubt passed on the same message, who will in turn do the same to their kids.

We are a defunct state and will continue to be one unless we, the people exercise our power and vote out all these corrupt, self serving idiots and put in place those who are educated, aware of global trends and can represent India in all her glory to the world.

- Sid

There are so many things to consider when purchasing a pair of spectacles - the quality of the grinding, lenses, lens weight, quality of the frames, the weight of the frames, after sales support and so on. It probably looks like a simple walk-in walk-out job, but there really are so many factors to consider. It’s even worse when you don’t know every factor and the people you’re buying from, don’t either! Then you end up with a pair that costs a bomb, isn’t up to scratch and will either be discarded in a few months or just go on and break. Not much use, is that?

Here’s where Zenni Optical’s $ 8 Zenni Optical Rx Eyeglasses among other products enter the picture. Affordable and quality controlled these frames and prescription lenses are probably the answer to similar products that are priced many times more. I found the site to be particularly well organized, especially the part about your prescription. That page provides comprehensive and easily understood knowledge about your prescription and I found it to be quite an interesting read - they certainly have spent time and effort in ensuring their customers understand every aspect of the transaction.

Would I say you visit the site and give them a try? Definitely so!

Still think thin is beautiful?

Diet. Don’t kill yourself!

Here’s a post that should do some good - 100 snacks that have under 100 calories.

Interesting huh? Now go get a bag of onion rings and read the post.

Go on - check them out!

Check out this great post on HIIT here.

Good, isn’t it?

ready to face the truth yet?

Useful?

1. Start the day with one 8 oz. Glass of water before breakfast. It helps to get you on the right track for the day.
2. Remember your ABCs – All Bites Count.
3. Use a salad plate instead of a dinner plate.
4. To avoid snacking while cooking or baking, drink water or chew gum.
5. Build a food “treat” into your food allowance every day.
6. If vulnerable to snacking later in the evening, floss and brush your teeth. This will deter you from putting anything else in your mouth.
7. Track what you eat, calories, and other things in a journal daily. You can use it to find problems that may be hindering your success.
8. After dinner, clean up the kitchen and turn off like lights. If you feel the urge to eat something, you might think twice about actually doing so.
9. Before indulging, ask yourself: Do I really want this and is it worth it in the end?
10. When going out to eat, wear a belt. A snug-fitting belt might help prevent overeating.

Not bad huh? And there are 50 more where those came from!

This site lists the top 12 foods that actively fight body fat. Maybe it’s time for some fat fighting recipes as well huh?

Here’s a tool that should help - it tells you how many calories you need to intake daily, in order to lose weight.

Go check it out now!

Have you seen it yet?

This site has a ton of information on food facts, calorie counting, facts about weight loss. It also has a little tool on how to maintain your calorie levels. Quite interesting - check it out and see what you think!

The first page I’ve found is ‘How to lose 50 pounds fast within 5 months‘. Quite an interesting tool - it asks you for various details like your age, weight and activity levels among other stuff and comes up with a plan on how you can lose weight - fast!

What do you think?

The good news is that I’m already using a Firefox 3 beta and quite like it.

Back to pressing F5 on my browser till I get to the site. :-)

Sid

Well… why wouldn’t she, if thats how he looks like all the time.

After my country’s repeated attempts at shaming its denizens the world over, and largely succeeding, it looks like Indians settled abroad too want a shot at bringing us further down. As if pouting, haggling, spitting and littering wasn’t enough, I find Indian shops here have a well founded reputation of surreptiously selling expired goods at full price. Ah Oh! The complaining. The constant whining and complaining about England. Fair enough.

Lets assume the country sucks. Why the f**k are you still here dude?

Sid

Within minutes, there was a senior police official, a police car with regular staffers, two fire brigade lorries full of men and an ambulance at the spot. A few minutes later, blow torches were at work cutting the car, so the occupant could be removed. Volunteers proceeded along the length of the vehicles waiting, telling them that they would be here for a while, if they couldn’t turn around.

Then I think of the many, many cases in India, where people lie at the side of the road, slowly bleeding to death because no one could be bothered to take them to the hospital. Most of them are also robbed of their possessions, unable to do a thing to stop the theaves. The polices and ambulances come much much later if they ever do.

Indian lives are cheap I guess.

- Sid

I don’t understand this really. If a community are dumb enough to almost literally hold a nation to ransom over a change in their reservation status, for facilities that are archaic and of no real use, what value to they really add? The answer to that is probably colored with the philosophies of votebank politics. If they’ve go the numbers, they must be good people.

Guess our politicians must be totally against safe sex for certain communities - “grow man grow… then vote for me”.

Most thinking people probably despise them and chances are, the rest do too. When I see cars in Delhi with stickers loudly proclaiming ‘Gujjar Boy’ or something similar, I actually grimace and wonder if they’re making a power statement (We can screw your happiness and supplies anytime we want) or are they berating themselves (I’m part of a community that knows no civic sense and are so dumb, we require special reservations)? Guess they think they’re doing the former but actually indulging in the latter.

I’m in the UK now and actually feel ashamed of my country when I hear such news. I wonder when we’ll drag ourselves out of this mire and who will help us do it?

- Sid

Alright, we know India has a history of caste based discrimination. However, the current reality is that with advances in technology, economy and education caste based reservations simply have no place. Yes, we could create a pool for economically challenged individuals, however, why reserve based on caste? Many people of the so called upper castes are dirt poor. Vice versa, many people of the so called lower castes are stinking rich. Then why, I ask, does Mr. Singh continue to push the case?

He has succeeded in large part with his misguided cause and for a country which needs unification and eradications of castes and creed more than anything, has lent a large helping hand towards creating a further divide.

The other absurdity is that along with reservations, minimum qualifications for academic courses are lowered too. So, if you belong to a lower caste, you can gain entry into professional courses with lower marks as opposed to general entry students. You can get away with lower physical qualities if you’re seeking to join the paramilitary forces. So, the next time you go to a doctor, ask him if his place in medical college was because of his caste or his academic performance.

- Sid

His wife was quite friendly and a nice person to spend time with, perhaps a bit on the quiet side, but then he himself is quite a mild mannered person. The surprise of the evening was his 4 year old daughter. An unpleasant child, she was spoiled rotten and we were, quite honestly, shocked.

Never *once* doing as she was told, the child would lie on the restaurant table (where we proceeded for dinner) and kick, bite and scream on being asked to sit and eat her dinner. On one occassion, she went up to her mother and delivered a resounding slap on her face. The response: a mild ‘no, sweetheart’, without any hint of disapproval from the parents.

Now, I’m not advocating being harsh or whacking the child. However, the very least *required* is the presence of strong disapproval for the child’s actions - which was missing. How else will a child know he/she is doing something wrong?

While we would love to have these guys over again, we haven’t done so for the last 2 years, just to avoid the kid. That may seem a bit extreme, but you would have to see the little storm to believe there are actually children like that… and parents.

- Sid

But that isn’t the main topic of this post.

I saw a photograph where an injured person was being pulled away by his hands, head lolling and feet dragging. Is this where we are after more than half a century of what we call progress? We call ourselves a nuclear power and we do not have paramedics or emergency medical staff? We boast of a high degree of progress in the telecom and IT sectors that generates significant revenue for the country and we cannot afford stretchers?

I guess I should be thankful we have electricity for 4 hours a day. If the dimwits running the country had their way, we probably wouldn’t have that either. I’m wondering if our wimpy prime minister who always maintains a saintly expression on his face will note that we have serious issues with emergency infrastructure across the country and think of doing something about it. Then again, he’ll probably need the cooperation of the babudom, who seem to be perenially occupied with their own private agendas.

Sid

Whenever I’ve been there, travelling myself or dropping someone off, the first thing to hit you is the unorganised, undisguised chaos that we call an airport. Complete lack of trolleys, system or procedures, it is a national shame. When returning from a trip one time, I happened to look up and see the plastic ceiling peeling away, revealing wire and dirt lined insides. There are no facilities to speak of and maintenance is something its never seen. Bathrooms are filthy and unkept, staff are rude and unfriendly and all infrastucture is sadly ineffective, inefficient, in short supply and those too are on their last legs.

I felt ashamed of what we show others in their first glimpse of our country - guess our government officials have the shame bred out of them.

- Sid

So There.

Some people (read Norman Solomon) seem to be taking Dilbert a bit too seriously. Ok, so most of us identify with one strip or another at some time or another. Yes, it targets various people and blatantly tells tales of discrimination. So? It is a comic strip, isn’t it?

But our man (Read Normon Solomon) doesn’t seem to think so. He insists on making a stripper out of a strip (sorry, bad pun) and proceeds to (try to) tear Adams apart when he says downsizing is good for large corporations.

Read all about it here and here.

Guess some people just have to have opinions.

Sid

The first was a ‘Dr. Sunita’. Engaged in an honorable profession, she claim she wasn’t speeding. According to her, she was only ‘driving’ at 64kmph on a deserted stretch of road. The highest speed limit in Delhi is 50kmph. Silly, but thats the law. How she didn’t know that, I cannot imagine. She also says, there were no warning signs. If the speed limit for that road was a funny number like 35kmph and she was driving at 45kmph, one can give some credence to her point. However, if she’s over the maximum speed limit imposed for the CITY, then one can only say that ignorance is no excuse for breaking the law.

The other lady, Jyoti is a school teacher - supposedly an example to children. She stopped in a ‘no stopping no parking zone’, was prompt fined, and then says ‘I only stopped for a few seconds’. She might as well have stopped for an hour - its the same thing.

For a city the size of Delhi, we badly need proper driver training classes and some semblence of knowledge prior to receiving drivers licenses.

- Sid

It turns out that the parking chaps in Nehru place at put a paper cup with a magnetised bottom on the car bonnet for some reason, which had dislodged itself and flown into the bikers face. I could understand his irritation, but no amount of explaining could convince him that it wasn’t thrown out of the window.

This in itself is shocking. When someone takes the trouble to explain something, purely for human purposes and the other chap refuses to believe him, there’s something wrong in the environment. Is the level of routine dishonesty so high in Delhi, that people have completely lost faith in one another?

Finally giving up, I re-entered the car and asked the driver to proceed. The biker however, had other plans and wasn’t willing to let go so easily. He followed us for nearly two kilometres, mouthing the filthiest of abuses all along, trying to kick the car  and so on. He was angry and needed some outlet for his rage.

Quite unnerving. It also makes me understand that the incidents we’ve heard of, where one chap shoots another simply for overtaking him, can and do happen.

Recently, there’s some idiotic manager there who has become overly enthusiastic about his targets. He’s probably in charge of the resum writing business of naukri and also probably been well chewed by his boss for some reason. As a result, he has told his staff to throw caution, good business sense and fair practices to the wind and spam!

Yes, Spam. Naukri.com is a spammer!

They now send mails EVERY DAY, sometimes 4 - 5 times a day, advertising their resume writing service. I called up one of their executives - Pallavi Gupta. She says, that since mails are being sent from the back end, the only thing one can do is to make ones resume inactive, otherwise they will continue to spam me. Of all the stupid responses I’ve heard till date, this one is probably the most brainless. After I confirmed this, her voice took on a ‘go fuck yourself’ tone and she says ‘you’ll need to talk to customer support and this is the number. bye’.

Interesting business tactics. Since Sanjeev Bhikchandani has a captive market here, he’s actually given his team carte blanche to do whatever they need to, so he makes more money. The best part is that this chap actually gives lectures on business tactics and so on. I wonder when he’s going to include ‘SPAM’ as one of his ’secrets’.

What does one do?

There simply aren’t enough intelligent, well spoken, hard working and talented people to go around. I’ve spoken about McDonalds in the past - illustrating the kind of people manning the counter these days, as opposed to the earlier days - there’s a world of difference.

I hired this chap a few days back. Young, well spoken, talented and hardworking chap. Quit in 10 days because an interview with a larger company came through and it was apparently his ‘dream’ to be working for that company. Can’t deny a chap his dreams - but what about me?

One wonders what exactly is the solution. Should we remain outsourcing and broking outfits till a larger office can be purchased? Do we never think of growing and be content to remain where we are?

I’m thinking… why would anyone, the right person, work for a small company anyway. Yes, there are those who dislike working for large companies and other who like the energy in a start up and so on. I don’t think there are many of those going around and too few to come around anyway. Is it the maturity of a talent pool that indicates whether people can make a balanced choice between large companies and small companies?

Intelligent, well spoken, hard working and talented young person. Bah! Humbug.

- Sid

If all the incidents are laid side by side, you find yourself looking a group of people who are apparently devoid of any moral values, education and respect for law and order. You also see a kind of rabid clannishness, supersized egos and a viciousness that would be more at place in a hyena than a human being.

Can this be for real? Could there really be such a group of people, who share so many (negative) characteristics? You tend to believe these stories as everything remains the same despite coming from many different sources. I also remember that these are the same people who killed, looted, damaged and pillaged for a change in classification in our much celebrated caste system.

- Sid

So, thats what I did and called a certain Mr. B. Kaul, who lives in Sector 61, NOIDA. He picks up the phone, hears what I have to say, inquires about the amounts, says ‘Ok’ and then puts down the phone, without a single word of thanks.

While, one musn’t expect civilties like ‘thank you’ from most of those who live in Delhi/NCR, however, I would have thought an act of civilty by an unknown person would have brought out the human even in crude forms of civilized life like Mr. B. Kaul. He, in fact, went a step further - his tone conveyed that he was *entitled* to receive such a call, being the great person he is and that *I* should be grateful for the opportunity - simply amazing. Chances are, his descendents will imbibe the same set of values and amplify them further.

And then we wonder why Delhi is going the way it is. Mr. Kaul - if you’re reading this - think of coming back to the human race, will you?

Sid

Microsoft is amazingly consistent in the quality of their software - low or high - you decide.

Sid

Good.

… what worries me is that we have a very laid back attitude towards quality, processes, safety and most other such supposedly non-tangible areas - each time, every time and within just about EVERY native Indian and first generation immigrant. Perhaps second generation too.

Ouch.
Shudder poor world - you’ve got it coming.

Seriously, has anyone taken a close look at Manpreet Brar? Yecchhh!

I’m watching the Miss World 2007 now and guess what, India isn’t anywhere in the running. Perhaps our Miss Indias’ should try participating in the Aspen Derby.

And… China wins! Was she the prettiest of the lot - naah! Brainy? probably. Politically safest - definitely!!

Sid

At one level, I don’t have a problem - I’ve signed up with a website, which has my resume and so they’re sending me mails. No issues.

Where I have a problem is the idiots who send mails like ‘your resume has been shortlisted for a fortune 500 company, so send us the following details’. Big deal. So, you’re looking to fill in a position. The least you can do, is tell what the f*****g position is, where it is located, what the responsibilities etc. But no - most of these morons continue their practices, till they are at the receiving end of my highly toxic tongue.

For example, take this ass from a company called ‘Tech Drive’. He sends me a mail stating, ‘your CV has been shortlisted’. The mail goes on to explain why Tech Drive is the greatest and then says, ‘if you’re interested, send the following details’. Is this just that Mr. Lalit Kumar is too stupid to know how to send mails or is he so damn arrogant, that he expects people to jump up and respond immediately.

Stupid jerk-offs!

Sid

On the face of it, they are a normal family, with a retired father, housewife mother, daughter looking like she’s finishing college or just started work etc. Looking closely however, you find an attitude here that reflects Indian society at large.  They insist on using public/shared resources for any and every personal situation that comes up.

Need extra parking? There’s the neighbours slot, we can always park there. Work to be done in the house? No problem, just pile the bricks up in the neighbours parking slot. Family function? No issues whatsoever, just call the neighbours, ask them to park elsewhere, make holes in the road and parking, pitch tents, hire a DJ, keep the whole neighbourhood awake, don’t even have the decency to invite them and block the entry to residents of two apartment blocks. Whats more, the tents are cleared overnight and whats left behind is a garbage dump - plastic glasses, bottles of water, mountains of waste food, roads stained with oil, ash and coals from a tandoor and the rest of that. Appalling!

These idiots refer to their family as one of pandits and probably justify this kind of hooliganism using some kind of warped religious logic. They have two cars, a driver and have a respectable income, thanks to a son abroad.

Respectability, civic sense, respect and class however, are assets this bunch will have to wait a few generations for.

Of course, right on top of the roost we have politicians who again, are barely literate, are known criminals and never lose an opportunity to make a fast buck. Political workers damaging public infrastructure, minority groups indulging in killing sprees, politicians using every trick in the book to gain political mileage [the effects on the country be damned] and more.

One wonders - is the government really in control of the country?

- Sid

1. 7-Zip: Handy, powerful, accessible and fast, 7-zip is a great and better alternative to WinZip.
2. Ubuntu Linux: I’ve used a bunch of Linux Distributions. This is by far the best when it comes to end users.
3. Joomla!: A web based content management system, Joomla! is written in PHP, uses mySQL and is probably the best web CMS out there. Usable by end users and programmers, it has a very active developer community and is extremely easy to implement and use. It is also extensible as hell.
4. Audacity: Simple, easy to use and effective sound editing studio.
5. Firefox: Ever since I’ve moved from IE to FF, I’ve never, ever looked back. FF is highly extensible, it doesn’t crash (very rarely, and thats usually because of me) and is very very powerful, not to mention easy to use.

- Sid

After scouring the Internet for a workable and possibly free profile manager, IP switcher, I found the solution in Windows itself. What I now have is a little system of batch files and VB script that works perfectly well. So, in case they may be of use to other hassled souls, here they are.

System 1 works off one VBScript file and two batch files - one for setting the home network settings and the other for office. System 2 works off a single batch file that does the same after prompting you to choose a location. While they are rather simplistic with not the slightest bit of sophistication, they do the job. :) Note that my DNS addresses are the same for both locations, so that isn’t included here. Let me know if anyone needs to change that as well.

———- Method 1 :: SwitchIP.VBS

SwitchIP.vbs

Set WshShell = WScript.CreateObject(”WScript.Shell”)
If MsgBox (”Are you at Office?”,vbYesNo, “IP Switcher”) = vbYes Then
‘ set IP for office
WshShell.Run(”setofficeip.bat”)
Else
If MsgBox (”Are you at Home?”,vbYesNo, “IP Switcher”) = vbYes Then
‘ set IP for home
WshShell.Run (”sethomeip.bat”)
Else
‘ quit
End if
End if

setofficeip.bat

@echo off
REM note the ‘1′ at the end of the netsh command
netsh interface ip set address “Wireless LAN” static <PC_IP_Addr> 255.255.255.0 <Gateway_IP_Addr> 1

sethomeip.bat

@echo off
netsh interface ip set address “Wireless LAN” source=dhcp
ipconfig /renew

———- Method 2 :: SwitchIP.BAT

switchIP.bat

@echo off
title IP Switcher
setlocal
set OK=N
:loop
set /p choice=Choose location 1[Office], 2[Home] or END
if /i [%choice%]==[END] endlocal&goto end
if [%choice%]==[] goto loop
if [%choice%]==[1] goto 1
if [%choice%]==[2] goto 2
set /p xxx=wrong entry, press any key to exit.
endlocal
goto end
:1
echo Setting up IP address for Office…
echo — IP Change Output —
REM note the ‘1′ at the end of the netsh command
netsh interface ip set address “Wireless LAN” static <PC_IP_Addr> 255.255.255.0 <Gateway_IP_Addr> 1
echo — IP Change Output —
goto end
:2
echo Setting up IP address for Office…
echo — IP Change Output —
netsh interface ip set address “Wireless LAN” source=dhcp
echo — IP Change Output —
echo Renewing DHCP Lease…
echo — IP Change Output —
ipconfig /renew
echo — IP Change Output —
goto end
:end

Its all included as a file here for convenient tryouts. SwitchIP Code Files

- Sid

Sid

Turned out to be quite a good movie, very different from your ‘boy meets girl’ stories. I *was* a trifle disappointed to hear that it has been ‘inspired’ by a Korean film. All said and done however, with the exception of a certain fight sequence where the Dutt is pitted against about 25 Thai not-so-gentle-men (*very* poor direction here), the overall movie certainly kept me at the edge of my seat and made for one memorable evening - which is more than I can say for most Hindi movies that come my way.

- Sid

- Sid

He might as well have said:

You must understand, just as men will be men, pedophiles will be pedophiles. And the little 10 year old girl, did look 16 didn’t she? So whats a little rape these days?

Atrocious, shocking and degenerate are some of the words I would use to to describe the judgment. Essentially, what it comes to down to is, if a child approaching puberty, who looks a little older than her age (happens more and more with every passing generation), happens to be on the beach, she can be ‘raped at will’, because the law and the supposed upholders of the law fully support it.

- Sid

Hello Dear

I know this mail will come to you as a surprise, nevertheless I am Mrs. Cindy Johnson, aged 54 years, the wife of Major Stephen Johnson. As a result of the on-going problem in my country,more importantly getting a trusworthy individual abroad to receive the sum of US$7million and 15Kg worth of gold dust on our behalf for investment with you in your country.

I am desperately in need to move and re-locate this huge deposit to your country for safe keeping and investment as partnership with you in your company. You can email me back for further clarifications. my direct emaill cindy_js03@yahoo.co.uk

Sincerely yours

Mrs. Cindy Johnson

It doesn’t have any reference to African countries, nasty dictators, dead peoples legacies etc. Just a simple request from an apparently respectable ‘British’ sounding Army officers wife. Ever the chivalrous gent, my reply was as follows.

Dear Mrs Johnson,

It is wonderful to finally hear from you. I have been awaiting your mail as Col Bradley intimated me that you may be in touch. How is everything and more importantly, how are the kids? Little Shirley must be quite the young woman now.

On to more pressing matters. The financial climate here isn’t very good at the moment. Which is why I have been holding on to $25,000,000 of my own along with a few dozen kilos of platinum bars for conversion into universal currency credits. Now that I have your contact, please consider a joint investment in your country. All I need is a security deposit of $2,000,000 from your end. But thats just business and I know you will understand.

I do hope you will give this matter due thought and priority. Please pass on my regards to Maj Stephen.
Warm Regards,

Sid

- Sid

Now, Joomla is licensed under the GNU GPL and is totally open in every way. While the basic point that third party developers should adhere to the parents license i.e. GNU GPL, is technically correct, I do not feel it is practical. In order to make a living off open source software, one has to sell something! Additionally, what motivation does a third party developer have to make better components if he/she isn’t making anything out of it. Sure, it feels good. However, in the long run, the component will die due to sheer lack of priority. This will happen over and over again… and who do you blame for it?

On the other hand, if people are given totally free and open software and asked to pay for it - no one will. Thats human nature, by and large.

Just thinking - if I distribute a program, that depends on a service on my webserver, is it still open source, as long as all the source code is supplied? So you get the entire program, but the catch it that is requires a webservice (read ‘certain libraries’) on my server to really function. It does do something on its own, however, the extended functionality resides on my server. If you can get it to run on your own, well and good. Else… buy a subscription to my service. I do feel that will keep it open source… or not?

-sid

I had been receiving quite a few calls from ICICI agents for credit cards, insurance and all kinds of crap. Registering on the Do Not Call registry didn’t help - I received still more calls. I tried registering again. No use. Sent a complaint from the ICICI Bank Website. HERE was the point of no return - initiating contact with the morons at ICICI Bank Customer Support.

ICICI-Customer Support: go register on the DNC registry
Me: I already have, twice
ICICI-CS: send me the number of the people who called you
Me: Here are two - XNXNXNXNX, XNXNXNXNX
ICICI: Sit tight and hold your breath. Will get back to you in three days
<three weeks pass and I receive yet another phone call, so I get on to gmail and shoot off a reply asking if his 3 days were up yet>
Me: @#$#$#$#@ #$# @@@
ICICI-CS: I’ve entered your number in the DNC registry again. Lets hope it works this time. If it doesn’t, tell me.

Now, that got my goat. My reply was as follows.

We’ve already been through this rigmarole before. What makes this time different? I’ve already done this twice. You’ve done it once more today. Lets do it every morning ok?

Yes, thats a great idea. At the auspicious time of 10:11am. In fact, to make it even better, lets chant religious verses before clicking the ’submit’ button and then we’ll crack a coconut on the keyboard. While we’re doing all this, we’ll light some jasmine scented aggarbattis and swirl the smoke around my DSL modem. What do you say? Cool huh? That should work. Even if it doesn’t and one of your pesky agents calls me again, at least we know we tried. Right? Then I can mail you again, and we can do it all over again. Wheeee! Fun! Now I have something to look forward to in my uneventful life.

I look forward to your views on my implementation of Reiterative Idiopathic Customer Support Technology.

Warmest Possible Regards,

Siddhartha Khullar

- sid

Interestingly, click here to download standalone versions of Microsoft Internet Explorer. There’s also a nifty little tool (under 500k) called Microsoft Fiddler. Download it here.

-sid

As would normally be the case, after meeting up with the teacher, we lop over to the canteen for a soft drink and a snack. When you get there, it seems as if you’ve stepped into a Bombay slum. People climbing over others, pushing shoving, cursing, kneeing, ramming elbows… all in an effort to get their child a snack. The child, as always, is standing besides the spouse, quietly looking at Daddy or Mommy dearest, and learning how to (mis) behave. The dustbins are untouched. Instead, there are loads of empty soft drink bottles, candy wrappers and empty crisps bags littered all around them and in every other corner… half eaten food scattered around the normally clean and green school grounds.

All these people are supposedly from well to do and ‘cultured’ families. Makes you wonder what is our definition of ‘culture’. Reminds me of what a relative (call him Vinod K) said a while back - “Culture? Why, if you have 6 cars and a large house full of servants, you have culture.”. It was beyond the poor chaps comprehension that culture could be anything that cannot be bought. Small wonder that one of his sons greatest achievement is bashing up a chap, who asked his little sister not to throw stuff on the ground.

If any of you parents are reading this - there’s no hope for you. You’ll all probably remain animals, but do try to think of your child and the next generation. Try to limit your bhangi (hooligan) behavior to when he or she is not around. Ok?

-sid

1. Have healthy respect for workers and invest in their welfare such as health, children’s education, pension and provident fund; What about having a healthy respect for all classes, creeds and walks of people, not just your vote banks or your caste. How about respecting their right to strike free days and to violence free roads.




2. Corporate social responsibility is part of India’s heritage must not be defined by tax planning alone; Social responsibility? Ask your railway minister why he has 9 children, then lets talk about social responsibility.




3. Industry must be proactive in offering jobs to the less privilegedat all levels of the job ladder; Unlike you Mr. Prime Minister, corporates work towards building companies and not vote banks. Companies in the end, make stakeholders, share holders, employees and ultimately society richer. Vote banks only fill the pockets of individual netas. We therefore believe in providing jobs on merit, and not based on caste certificates. If we followed your advice we too would end up with ineffective bureaucracy, corrupt police force, absentee government workers and most of all, good for nothing politicians.




4. Resist excessive remuneration to promoters and senior executives and discourage conspicuous consumption; Why don’t you resist 10 car motorcades, huge bungalows and traffic disruptions everytime a neta wants to take a pee?




5. Invest in people and in their skills, offer scholarships and fillyoung people with hope in their future; Right… just the way your oh-so-patriotic Mr. Arjun Singh has done with reservations? We fill them with hope all right Mr. Prime Minister… however, we do so on the basis of their performance, not freebies. But then, we understand Sir. You do need a vote bank, else you get fired, right?




6. Desist from non-competitive behavior and operation of cartels bygroups of companies to keep prices high must end;One day Mr. Prime Minister, for just one day could you put your money where your mouth is. For one day, could you keep your own party honest? Forget one day, lets say one hour. For one hour, could you ensure all your party members followed the law. We are speaking of setting an example here. Why don’t you set your own house in order before preaching to the world?




7. Invest in environment-friendly technologies since India’s growthmust be enhanced and its ecology and environment protected for future generations; Right… and Mayavati is showing her colgate teeth to the world as a free woman because you need her votes for the presidential elections. There was this little matter of the Taj right… which has nearly been voted out of being one of the seven wonders of the world? Shame Mr. Prime Minister, hang your head, gaze at your toes, rest your chin on your chest and weep.




8. Promote enterprise and innovation so that Indian industry can makethe leap to the next stage of development;Absolutely Sir. And could you tell me how we should do so when we have to give jobs to those with caste certificates rather than brains. Also, if you could enlighten us as to why we should do so when you advocate that our salaries should be reduced?




9. Fight corruption at all levels since the cancer of corruption is eating into the vitals of our body politic; A-Ha! And who should know better than a senior member of the Congress Party?




10. Promote and finance socially responsible media, advertising and causes. Let me get this right - you want us to hire duds, reduce pays, promote the environment, stop leveraging competitive advantage and still finance responsible media? You have one heck of a sense of humor Mr. Prime Minister. Ok. Why don’t you get the strutting Gujjars to stop behaving like animals and an utter nuisance of themselves, and we’ll think about it. Ok?

-sid

A darkened By way-
Whispered footsteps,
Cobbled pavements-
Blind alleys - alley cats stroll,
And terror stalks the night.

Furtive glances
Darkened doorways,
Huddled figures;
Low-toned voices- conversations-
While Terror stalks the night.

A lonely walker,
Sinster shadows
Glint of Metal-
Muffled thuds, Bodies falling
As Terror stalks the night.

Lighted highways
Throngs of people
Coming - going
Sounds and safety - Civilization
Yet Terror stalks the night

Smiles and laughter
Gathering storm clouds
Leaping pulses;
Dark thoughts-danger-poker faces-
For terror stalks the night

Power-politics
Bodyguards’ sheathed knife
Cocktail parties-Hearty handshakes-hypocricies
When terror stalks the night.

Guarded bank doors,
Hurried lunches-
Boardroom feed back-
Doctors and ulcers-absurdities-
How Terror stalks the night

Boy friends, lovers,
Late night movies;
Backseats, motels,
Polished smooth tongue-rape-murder
Where Terror stalks the night.

Falsehood-mistrust
Insomnia-hatred
Ceaseless agony
Dead or living-a world of Judas
There Terror stalks the night

-Swagata Sen Pillai

-sid

While the book is being compiled into e-book format and should be available for download shortly, I’m going to post one of his recipes every few days. If you’re vegetarian, don’t hold your breath, since most if not all the recipes are non vegetarian.

-sid

The country must burn till this reservation system comes to an end. As such, only beneficiaries of this quota are the elite who have already minted crores of rupees. Thanks to shameful politicians like VP Singh and Arjun Singh - the reservation system, which was initially supposed to be a trial for 5 years, extended by 50 years, has become a major blot on our country. We must find ways to eliminate such politicians from the our political map.

The West has evolved after some famous revolutions. I guess the time has come for such a revolution in our country too. Else, like the Tsars in Russian and Kings in France, our politicians will continue to bleed the common man, who is neither a Hindu nor a Muslim. As a matter of fact, the common man has no caste… all are just tied together in helplessness.

-prashanth

Looking at the new depths Sikh leaders and their orthodox followers are now sinking to, I’m convinced the current world situation has no place for this religion in its current format.Its violent agenda and warrior avatar probably worked well in medieval times when their methods and base in ferocious strength was accepted and maybe even required. Today however, when a bunch of turbaned, bearded, unkempt and unwashed individuals brandishing swords shrieking threats of unspeakable violence, pace the roads of a modern city, what do you do?Administration and politicians alike are bowing down to pressure from these so-called religious leaders who think nothing of degrading and disgracing an entire community. A community that is rich in morals, distinct in a culture of its own and created through the extreme suffering and toil of thousands of individuals.

Tell me, why should I accept a community one of who’s prized traditions is carrying a knife wherever they go? Agreed, all Sikhs don’t, however, those who have partaken of amrit (figuratively) are held in higher esteem than ordinary practitioners… and one of the things they do is carry a knife and insist on doing so at all times! Some would argue that Sikhism is a martial religion and weapons are a part of its culture. I agree. However, since the public bearing of weapons is universally banned in most if not all civilised societies, what makes Sikhism so special, that its exponents fight for their right to do so?

I do not believe people with sufficient knowledge, education and culture will ever show the kind of fanaticism that these people are currently demonstrating. It’s mostly the unemployed, uneducated and others with nothing better to do who have the time to indulge in the luxury of demonstrating against an individual who chose to dress in a manner that emulated a religious historical figure. He may be wrong. He may have done so for socio-political reasons. Whatever. However, in a civilised society, there are well documented methods to address such issues and to register grievances. Use them.

The uneducated ‘vote bank’ will not remain uneducated for long. Sikh leaders have to take a close look at the moral and cultural base of the religion they believe in and seriously think of reinventing it for modern times and modern appeal. I don’t mean the rewriting of the holy books. I refer to an attitude shift. A gradual but sincere movement towards practicing the core of the religion rather than reveling in its trappings.

While this article has been prompted by the recent spate of demonstrations in Punjab - Islam, Christianity and Hinduism are no better. Each one is riddled with sects, politics, rivalry, corruption and need to be reinvented for modern practice and peaceful co-existence.

-sid

While I have ceased to be surprised at the extent to which SPK is capable of innovating when the need strikes, this incident was a little surprising. Please note, there are witnesses to this. Today, he felt like a cup of coffee and there weren’t any clean cups available in the pantry due to some reason. Not to be stopped by that, SPK, first quaffed some powdered milk, followed by a spoon of sugar and then topped both with a measure of coffee. This done, he poured the hot (not boiling) water he had kept in the electric kettle directly on top of the lot.

After a few seconds of gargling (to mix it all of course), he swallowed the lot.
On finding out that he was being observed, SPK is of course denying it all ever happened.

-sid

The next thing I know, Indu (my wife) is turning around and sleepily asking “What happened?”

Cherie is lying on the bed rubbing her cheek, crying and yelling “What’d I do? What’d I do?”

It was then I realised that the whole episode was a dream and the smack, which was present in the dream, had somehow propelled itself into physical reality.

Funny & Strange.

-sid
ps: I ended up apologising to Cherie most of that day.

Then there’s this chap I particularly liked - same channel, calls himself RJ-KN. Very popular chap. I thought maybe he would take on the matter and defend his channels reputation. Nope. Guess he’s too busy standing in the bathroom, making out with the mirror.

—————————–* UPDATE *————————–

I received a mail from RJ-S (above), who was really nice about the whole affair, and who said my mails didn’t reach her. I learnt that another department handles the prize distribution (probably the ‘Queen of England’ as in my previous post on the subject) and so on. She was also very helpful and facilitated the mailing of my ‘five star dinner’ coupons as claimed on her show.

I received the coupon, but they have turned out to be of some place, which I have never heard of. Maybe they expected me to be speechless with sheer gratitude at being given a pass to a restaurant that has absolutely no mention on Google (thats my measure of most establishments, so sue me!). I’m not. Anyhow, I’ve given the coupon away and hope it makes someone happy. Didn’t do anything for me anyway, since I was expecting a ‘5 star hotel’ to be the venue and not a no-name resto-bar seeking publicity.

Conclusion: ***FM indulges in fake claims, delays prizes, has people with lousy attitudes (except at least three nice people I know of , including RJ-S) and has absolutely no idea what ‘relationship management means’.

Looks like I’ll have to read the manual of my car radio to delete 93.x from its memory and hope that the brief exposure to lowIQ radio waves didn’t dumb down my car.

To insulate RJ-S from any of this, she was probably given a brief to talk about on air, w.r.t. the contest and she did so. Also, she went out of her way to ensure that another department does its job. I don’t think I could have asked for anything more.

So, what it comes down to is: There isn’t any mechanism the buffoons at management have installed to ensure that on-air claims filter down to their ‘prize logistics dept’ OR the ‘prize logistics dept’ is manned by the likes ‘the Queen of England’.

-sid

Sikh Strike: The Sikhs, a religion I used to hold and respect above all others till a few short years back. It too is now indelibly tainted by politics, short term vision and personal gains. The violence and reaction by the so called stalwarts of the religion says it all - can you believe it - they want to form suicide squads? Perhaps all those ’sardar’ jokes had something to them after all.

Better Business Anyone? For all the hullaboo about consumer rights etc, there really isn’t a single governing body where the grahak can go and jago.

Traffic: Vastly improved in Delhi, without a doubt. Try UP or Gurgaon one of these days. You’ll find grunting neanderthals, sorry, I meant jats and gujjars driving the wrong way, parked in the middle of the road, meandering through open highway like its their village backyard. Mercedes or bullock cart… doesn’t make a difference… they’re all the same, still spitting on the road and throwing banana peels out the window. If any of the mentioned communities are reading this and would like to object in a legal fashion… forget the courts, try the SPCA.

Ok, my BP is now down again, thanks to my moaning, groaning and non-stop bitching.

-sid

a short while back, while upgrading to the ‘fiesty fawn’ edition, i came across a great online VMX file (virtual machine configuration file) generator - http://dcgrendel.thewaffleiron.net/vmbuilder/. damn neat thing. so, all i needed to do was to tick the ’sound’ option, generate the file and copy/paste the generated vmx directives into my vmx file. quick huh?

yeah… the open source thing. imagine this, I’ve been using winzip for maybe 8-9 years now. not any more. i now use 7-zip (www.7-zip.org/), an open source archive tool, that (at least for me) is better than winzip… and its free. so much so, i’ve even convinced my parents to try it out and ditch windows and the ubiquitous office in favor of ubuntu and openoffice.org.

sid

I know or have seen a *huge* bunch of people who are or seem to be totally immersed in religion - they wear a tika on their foreheads, their houses smell of incense, are 100% vegetarian, they go to temples every other day and then again on every festival minor or major, every festival (of their religion) is celebrated in full tradition, they will speak in a saintly manner, preach human values and so on.

Having done all of that, they proceed with the business of doing business… and what a business that turns out to be. They’ll lie, cheat, shortchange their customers, employees, business partners, carry on bitter feuds with family over property matters, totally control their childrens lives, produce inferior products, deliver shoddy services and the rest of it. If they are working for someone, they’ll pinch stuff from the office, claim expenses they never made and essentially do everything that goes completely against any decently upright code of ethics.

In fact I know this family who had a member working for a major airline. The sheets and pillow covers were welcomgroup, the tea bags, coffee sachets and towels were hyatt, the shampoos, conditioner, moisturizer, aftershave lotions and soaps were Taj, the cutlery, tissues and table napkins were airline issue, the butter on the table were always the little foil wrapped squares from the airlines and the snacks served were almost always airline issue… and they would attend jagarans, hold pujas regularly, celebrate every Hindi festival with great fervor and claim to be one of the pillars of the local religious community.

Did I mention that they’ll proceed to Haridwar once a year and wash off their sins in the waters of the holy (read dirty, filthy, clogged) Ganges?

All hail the Ganges - the washer of sins. And while I’m on the subject - how about a laundry that claims to have a percentage of Ganges water in the water used to wash clothes - “Get protected from sins with clothes washed at the Ganga Laundry Services - Realtime protection all the time every time”. Might actually be a runaway success.

Sid

I beg to differ.

I’ve been consciously making observations on the subject and find that:
- the phrase ‘thank you’ is alien to most
- most never think of apologising for a mistake
- our road manners are atrocious
- being considerate is a very weak point
- we believe that laws are meant to be broken

there are more, but all in all, we are *not* a polite people, though some may cry themselves hoarse citing the age of our ‘civilisation’. I would even go on to state that I dont even think we are a civilised people. We have art and culture in plenty, but civility and manners - zilch.

Sid

Today, a lady, lets call her MarsBar, calls me and confirms that I have indeed won something and I need to  collect it from their office in NOIDA. It struck me as odd that I had to interact with the security guard… but so be it.

I reached their office today and there were two guards there, neither of whom had any idea what was happening. They said their ’supervisor’ was out for lunch and he should be back soon. So I stood outside and waited… and waited… and waited. Then I asked one of them to please call the lady - MarsBar. The chap saunters inside and then saunters back outside.

So I waited… and waited… and waited…

Then I asked the guard to please call her again. He says ‘I’ve called her and she will come’ - end of discussion. Looks like we’re waiting for the Queen of England. Perhaps I’m supposed to be impressed. I wasn’t.

Then the ’supervisor’ plods in and asks me what I’m there for. I tell him… for the third time that afternoon. Do these people (read - the idiots in the FM channels management) have any idea how it feels to tell a security guard that you’re waiting to get a bunch of free ketchup? So he takes my ID and proceeds to get it photocopied. Note that I have been standing all this time, without any real staff of the channel meeting me.

2 Minutes later, the Queen of England, sorry, MarsBar, walks in and says ‘and you are… Siddhartha?’. ‘Yes’, I confirm, and she proceeds to tell me that it does take a while to get the stuff from the store. Apparently, Mrs MarsBar doesn’t understand that she could have stepped out and told me that she was going to take a while, or perhaps sent a message through the security guard, that she was going to be a while. Obviously the Queen of England has other things on her mind.

The saving grace were two cool looking chaps [chubby chap with a goatee and a cool haircut + dude with a pair of white rimmed shades doing a B&H) taking a nicotine break, who inquired if I was a prize winner and tried to hasten things a little. Now *that* is the kind of attitude Ms MarsBar should have had, but didn’t.

Obviously, it will be quite some time before I participate in another ***FM contest again.

Sid

Why don’t these idiots do something where it will make a difference?

Sid

Tomorrow is my first time on the stage (or off it for that matter), when I will be participating in the singing. Look out for the quaver in my voice and if you hear an irregular beat - don’t blame the percussionist - it will be my knees.

-sid

I think corporate India should shrug off its fixation with degrees and begin the design of processes and tests that test the core of a person rather than take the ‘education’ from his degree for granted. We *know* that Indian degrees from all but the top colleges are toilet paper… probably less useful, since they won’t absorb as well.

Therefore - drop the love affair with letters (ba, bba, mba, er…) and design processes that allow you to sort through massive inflows of resumes and people. Then design further quantitative and qualitative tests that shift the wheat from the chaff. What you will then discover is a huge pool of untapped, talented human power who were hitherto working for little noname companies in holes in the wall for minimum wages, because no one else would hire them.

-sid

Avoid Avoid Avoid.

-sid

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for “Unfair Dismissal”. The customers words are in italics.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

“Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

“What sort of trouble?”
“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

“Went away?”
“They disappeared.”

“Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”
“It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”

“Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
“How do I tell?”

“Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?”
“What’s a sea-prompt?”

“Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?”
“There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”

“Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
“What’s a monitor?”

“It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”
“I don’t know.”

“Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”
“Yes, I think so.”

“Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”
“…….Yes, it is.”

“When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”
“No.”

“Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
“……. Okay, here it is.”

“Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
“I can’t reach.”

“Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”
“No.”

“Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
“Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle - it’s because it’s dark.”

“Dark?”
“Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”

“Well, turn on the office light then.”
“I can’t.”

“No? Why not?”
“Because there’s a power cut.”

“A power… A power cut? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”
“Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”

“Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
“Really? Is it that bad?”

“Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
“Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”

“Tell them you’re too f—–g stupid to own a computer.”

-sid

Slept over… proceeded to Bhiwadi to my folks place. Had lunch there.

Proceeded back to Gurgaon where we had dinner with Arundhati and Sachin. Tried TGIF, but it was too smoky for the babies in the group, including Sameer’s new baby. So went into a new Gujrati Thali joint in MGF Mall. Interesting place but probably no seconds for me. The concept is more interesting than the food. I did like the way they run the place though. Dhati is a old school pal BTW.

Continued on to the late night show of ‘Namesake’ in the same mall with Momie and Indu. Chandan very thoughtfully picked up Cherie while dropping off Momie. Nice movie, well made… excellent in fact - but a bit too serious for my taste these days.

Ended with a few more shots of Tequila with Chandan. Drove back in the morning - quite a packed time I must admit.

-sid
ps: did i mention Brandy spent the whole weekend travelling with us? She’s getting quite comfortable in the car. The food didn’t suit her though. She’ll probably have to remain home alone next time.

She has only one question - ‘Till when will this last?‘

BTW: Yesterday was ‘Chicken in Yoghurt with Okra‘. It turned out quite good. Check it out in the Recipes section.

-sid

senior babu: sllluuuurrrp. aaaahhh. so what to do about this blog-shlog saar?
big babu: slllurp. slurp. slurp. bhaat ij this blaag?
junior babu (eager to please): saar terrorisht taalk aan thee blaag.
big babu: michael, go on cycle, and blaack thee blaag. (whatever that is)
senior babu: (munching on biskoot) chomp. chomp. gulp. slurrrp. ok saar.
(so michael, goes on cycle and blocks the blog)

Walk into any babus office. You’ll see a computer behind his desk. Probably neatly covered with a plastic or cloth cover, with perhaps a little flower vase or photograph perched on it.

Do you know how to use it? Nyet.
Do you check your email? No, my PA does menial jobs like that.
Do you know how to check email? Nyet.
WTF is the internet anyway? Something my son/daughter uses to chat.
Whats a blog? Duh?
Can you tell your rear end from the front? Ummm… let me see now…

These are the idiots who take decisions regarding technology policy of a nation that is poised for greatness. I’m not saying all of them are like that. Some probably can tell which side their bums lie and still fewer do probably know exactly what the internet is. The problem is, all the good people are quickly shunted off to god forsaken locations where they are probably in charge of maintaining records on the daily quantities of tribal nail clippings. Its the ones who are good at politics, schmoozing with politicians, wiggling their fingers under the table, who get the plum posts.

And what do they do?
blaack thee blaag.

-sid

Specifically note the stubbornly jutting jaw and that there isn’t much space for the brains.

Anyway, it was here that we met Mrs. Pannalal, probably another rural haryanvi, who was supposedly the Shop Manager. She appeared to be around 55 years old. I would have understood if she was the secretary to the personal assistant of the junior janitor… but Shop Manager? Understandably, I was upset, as the issue with the assistant involved my daughter, he had been a trifle rough with her. The problem came not with the assistant but with Mrs Pannalal. The conversation goes like this:

Mrs. Pannalal: “You know, parents lose track of their children here”
Me: “We were looking at her”
MP: “I’m the mother of a defence officer you know, so I’m always right”
Me: “but but…”

MP: “We face the problem of children in this shop… destructive little things”
Me: “We were looking at her”
MP: “I’m an ex Montessori teacher you know, so I’m always right”
Me: “but but…”

MP: “You’re a father now, you mustn’t do these kind of things”
Me: “But there was this guard…”
MP: “I’ve been doing this for 15 years you know, so I’m always right”
Me: “but but…”

Someone should have told her ‘you’re an ancient artifact now. don’t talk so much or you’ll crack up and fall into smelly little pieces’.

MP: “You should be more careful”
Me: “We were looking at her”
MP: “I’m menopausal you know, so I ‘m always right”
Me: “but but…”

Anyway, thats how the ‘conversation’ went. The only positive point in her favor would probably be that she is a large benefactor of the kaajal industry, judging by the two thick black rings carefully applied on the front side of her head (can’t call it a face anymore… scarred visage perhaps?). I’m also wondering what she’s been managing for the last 15 years… Saddam’s ‘friendly neighbourhood dictator‘ program? It certainly looked like that.

I’m sure Dr. Montessori (1870 - 1952) would turn over in her grave, god rest her soul, had she heard Mrs Pannalal’s tall claims. I shudder to think of all those poor children she must have bullied and beaten up. (whack) “the teacher is?” (whack) “always right” (whack) “who’s always right?” (whack) the teacher (whack)

I happened to mention the word ’skewed’ and she went red! Huffing and puffing, stomping and stamping, she stormed away. Later we found that the old crone hadn’t heard of the word, and this supposedly educated, montessori teacher, mother of a defence officer (poor chappie, fighting militants must have been preferable), customer service expert for 15 years, thought i was saying ’screwed’. Then again, the hearing does deteriorate at that advanced age or perhaps it was wishful thinking in classic denial.

I wonder why people pay peanuts when they are always assured of getting monkeys for the price. Exotic, aged monkeys with kohl lined eyes perhaps, even with degrees… but arrogant, psychotic, uneducated monkeys nonetheless.

-sid

The gates are unassuming with a modest board with proclaiming their name. They throng with people standing outside waiting to enter. We do not know the purpose yet. When we reach the gates, a volunteer opens it and beckons the crowd to stand aside to let us pass. They do so, giving us undisguised looks of curiosity. We drive into a cobblestone path. An ambulance stands on one side. The main building is dilapidated but cared for as much as their meager funds allow. The grounds, though small, have flower bushes and other plants. As we enter the building, we notice a garlanded picture of Mother Theresa. People pass us on their way out, clutching cardboard sweet boxes and a banana each. These, we learn later, are being given to the poor, on the 5th death anniversary of Mother.

The reception area inside the building contains ancient wooden chairs with latticed plastic seats. The tiled flooring is immaculately clean. On our right we can see a small room with cribs set against the walls. All the cribs are empty. We pass through into another room with 8 cribs. Each has a little girl inside of various ages. Two little girls in tiny yellow frocks stand inside joyously announcing their presence to the world. Fair skinned and fair haired, one stares at us through light brown eyes. A one toothed smile soon follows, which makes me pick her up and think of my own 6 month old daughter secure in the warmth of her mothers love. The little girl is the same size as my daughter and twice her age. Each metal crib, though scratched and old, is clean and so are the little mattresses and sheets within them. Each one contains a little girl, all wearing identical frocks. The material was perhaps donated by a well wisher. I pick up one and she clings to me, all the while staring at me with those beautiful brown eyes. Why would anyone abandon such a beautiful child? The second one looks up at us as if shes trying to say why not me? My mother picks her up and we continue to look through the mission. The room further ahead contains more cribs with smaller babies, all beautiful children with just one fault, they were all girls. Abandoned by their parents before they had a chance to show the world what they are capable of. Perhaps this will be their second chance at life.

We speak to the nun who is supervising the volunteers and lending a hand in the daily activities. What do they need? What can we do to add a little flavor of meaning to our own empty lives? She has answered this question before. The list of what one can do to help out is endless. The babies are fed milk powder based milk and they consume 60 kilos a month. Sheets, nappies and other consumables fill the list of essentials the babies could do with. Suddenly the amount I had in mind, which for me was a good amount, became paltry.

We go into the neighboring room. Here the babies are even smaller. Some picked up by good Samaritans or the nuns themselves. They are the smallest of the entire family, some weighing less than a kilo. The walls are covered with toys and gay, colorful posters. Two babies wriggle in their sleep in an ancient incubator. They could also do with a new incubator, the nun tells us. One tiny infant has a malformation. Her nose and mouth seem to be one gaping hole with no separating flesh. [Note: cleft palate?] I could imagine an uneducated husband and wife, both horrified by this supposed monstrosity finally abandoning the child, either on their own or due to pressure from close sources. Though the rest do not have deformities, they are all pathetically small in size, with little wrinkled faces. I go back to where I picked up the little angel in my arms to put her back in her crib. She holds on to my fingers, trying to stand and walk towards me. Still holding my fingers, she does one of those typical baby like things that make her head bob up and down while tugging on my fingers and bending her knees in turn. I gently remove her little fingers from my own and put them on the crib. She stands unsteadily and watches me leave the room. I can’t resist turning back and looking. Shes still watching.

I feel a tug on my trousers. Looking down, I see a little girl of perhaps 6 years looking up at me with arms outstretched. Carry me! I’m only too happy to oblige. She seems properly nourished but she’s so light! I carry her for the rest of our visit around the mission. She clings to me each time I initiate the process of putting her back on her feet. She doesn’t want to go. I cannot imagine the busy nuns have time to administer love to these children they’re too busy with the care part of things. How do children react to the absence of love in their lives? Some, like this one reach out for it. What do others do? Do they grow up to be loveless individuals, or do they lavish it on others to account for receiving none themselves? Do we really want to find out what happens by experimenting or letting it continue, or ensure it never happens? Nice thought. How do you do it?

We left the mission with a heavy heart. There is so much you want to do for these little souls. What you can do, within your means seems so little. The only meaningful thing I could think of was an initial contribution in cash or kind and continued efforts through a percentage of my income. Another thing I could do was to spread the word, which I’m doing now. Spread the word about kind nuns, tireless efforts, lovely babies in need and much more, none of which can be written, only experienced. Look into the eyes of one of those children who have started their life with rejection, the extent of which could destroy one of us at a much later age. When they look back into your eyes with nothing but love and unrequited hope you’ll know.

- Sid

• Mixed Dry Salad [leaves, grapes, baby corn, olives, carrots, jalapenos...]
• Sushi [2 types of nigiri-zushi and 1 of maki-zushi]
• Sweet Chilli Fish [1.5lb fillet, served whole, slightly caramelised] (check it out in the recipes section)
• Braised lamb with vegetables
• Chicken in Green Curry
• Steamed white rice

All we had left was 2 pieces of maki-zushi… and that makes me very happy. :)

-sid

I’ve always maintained that with ICICI, their online tools are great and their people suck. As a direct consequence, I make every effort to ensure that I perform all banking related activities online and as far as possible do not write mails or visit branches. When I do write mails, they have to be clear and simple, else the dud-heads in online support make hash out of it.

Tired of waiting everytime I had to visit the bank (to make a draft for example, on priority), I needed a way to avoid the looong queues. Here I discovered that if you maintain XX,XX,XXX or more in your account, queues are supposed to magically disappear and you get to sit in a separate cabin or a comfy chair and make your requests, while someone deputed will ensure they are carried out, while you wait.

Needless to say, I was delighted on learning this, and proceeded to divert some savings into my savings account and fixed deposits, rather than mutual funds. In a little while, I had about 2% less and thought it a good time to inquire if I’m on the right track.

Walking into a branch, I was directed into a room where there was this chap seated. He was the ‘Senior Relationship Manager - Private Banking’, lets call him Sand*** Dhingra. Nice title huh? Evidently, he thought so too. Seated in front of him, I proceeded to tell him I was interested in opening a private banking account. He looks me up and down and (as we find out later) apparently made a decision, that I, in my scruffy jeans and T-shirt wasn’t a suitable specimen to be seated in his nice air conditioned office, and on his nice oh-so-soft chair. With a condescending tone, he asked for my account number. On entering it in the computer, he shakes his head and then proceeded to explain in the most humiliating manner possible, why I wasn’t eligible for an account, why my funds should be in a single customer ID (what the fuck is that?, they looked good to me on internet banking). Then he proceeds to ask me how much I have where and then says ‘See? You don’t have enough’, while shaking his head and glaring at me from behind the desk. Then after asking me how much I save every month and learning the figure, he proceeds to call in a colleague and both then proceed to sell me ICICI investments. Me, a worthless bum off the street, not eligible for private banking… is now a potential customer for ICICI investments with 7 digit returns and multi year lock in periods.

Anyway, thats not all… I wait for a week to see if my displeasure had any base and if it persists. It did and I wrote to ICICI bank, explaining that I have an extended relationship (savings accounts, current account, salary accounts, investments, demat and trading accounts, fixed deposits, insurance, bonds and credit cards) and I would like something to be done because I had been badly spoken to. I expected someone (anyone) to apologise and convert my account to a private banking relationship, help organise my funds the way they want and end the matter.

No way!

A bunch of idiots were lined up who proceeded to apologise, apologise and continue apologising and say that ’something would be done’. Amazing! It may also interest you to know, we once called ICICI and asked them the full form of the acronym ICICI. The girl didn’t know. Over the phone we heard her asking her manager, who also didn’t know. He in turn called Bombay, where they finally enlightened him on the full name of the company he worked for. Now if thats what they call ‘Human Resources’, I must be god!

I now have a similar relationship with HSBC, who I am happy to say, gave me my account number in under 2 hours.

- Sid

I immediately offered to do the document again. ‘No charge’, I promised him. He was reluctant. He first said, “my partner will not agree”. Later he came out with the truth. Apparently, his teacher had shown them last years reports. All the highest marks went to those with the maximum number of pages in their reports, regardless of the quality of content and professional quality of formatting. The low marks when to those who had less but high quality content and formatting. This clearly goes to show that the teacher placed more emphasis on the number of pages submitted than what was in them.

Therefore, this young man (11th standard), has a skewed or destroyed quality perspective before he even joins the mainstream work/business force. And when he finally does make it there, I shudder to think of his contributions to his chosen profession, till he finally realises the difference between quantitative and qualitative.

- Sid

- Sid

Police vans, riot control vehicles, personnel, senior officers were all out in the morning chill for the sole purpose of facilitating smooth movement of the previously mentioned rear end. Then again, when you think, it must be for the greater good. After all people wanting to go to hospitals, work, pickups, meetings and other such unimportant activities should consider themselves lucky in being able to contribute to the smooth running of the nation.

Even the cops should get a special presidents commendation citing ‘for special duties in facilitation of the moment of bulky rear ends’. Considering thats where most of the political wisdom of this countries lies, it is indeed a great responsibility and achievement.

Tony Blair must have lost his marbles when he took the London subway after his car was stuck in a traffic jam.

Take the very recent case of Pratibha Srikanth Murthy, who was brutally raped and murdered by the driver of her taxi, which the very prominent call center she worked for in Bangalore had hired. Now the call center industry very conveniently says ‘we outsource transport’. That statement however doesn’t bring down the responsibility they have towards employees. And they know it. So rules and policies are now being made by very knowledgeable managers and senior vice presidents. The fact is, it could have been done earlier, everyone was aware of the possibility, minor events have happened… but then as long as it doesnt make the newspapers, or someone doesn’t die… its not worth it, is it?

The other incident that comes to mind is that of a child in a prominent school in NOIDA. He was sliding down the bannisters (as well all did) from the fourth floor and slipped in between the stairwells, and fell down four stories and landed on his head. The gap was just large enough for a child of his size. He wasn’t expected to make it. The school board promptly makes large magnanimous announcements that they will cover the cost of all his treatment… after all how much would it cost. Just a few more days and thats it. Wrong! The kid survived and and began recovering. Then the board (trustees if you will) discreetly tells the parents how they cannot pay for the treatment and so on. I think this incident uncovers the totally shameless nature of how some schools are being run. And oh! The school also claims that they were not responsible for the incident, whilst hastily covering up and making the stairways more secure.

Incoming news states that the city of New Delhi is not ready to handle crises. Its trauma centres do not have beds, no cardiologists in the cardiology department… as usual, we are waiting for something to happen before which we refuse to move our considerable posteriors and plan proactively.

- Sid

This happened to my neighbour.

Their goonlord, a colonel in the Indian army, dropped in one fine day and says, “Clear out all your stuff from the garage. I need to use it.” My neighbour, a very peaceful and nice person, asked him how long he intended to use it, after all he *was* paying for it, since it was included in his agreement and in the rent he paid. Additionally, since he was using it and the said garage was full of stuff, the question was a pertinent one. The goonlord says “none of your business”. Then my neighbour asked him if he would consider reducing the rent, since the facility of a garage did play a part in the rent, and why would he want to pay for something he wasn’t using? The goon then says, “no rent decrease. if you don’t give me the garage, consider this one month’s notice to vacate the house.” Now, a person who has settled into a house, with wife and family can’t just move out. So he gave in, and cleared out his garage.
My question is:
How can a senior army officer, who are considered by and large decent people, behave in such a crass, stupid, bullying, manner?

If I was in my neighbours place, I’m not sure what I would have done, but probably, my response would have taken the form of my index finger pointed in the general direction of the not-so-gentleman’s nose, and a polite request to sue me. Knowing Indian courts, it would have been the better part of 10 years before the idiotColonel would have seen his house again.

Dear goonColonel, if you’re reading this, you probably know which house I’m speaking of. While it is very clear your upbringing was deficient in decency and good values, perhaps you could take a lesson from your tenant and behave in a manner befitting an army officer and not a neighbourhood stray canine. I understand you’re experiencing a lot of peer pressure, as many of your colleagues have recently made it to the front pages of the national newspapers for various activities like bootlegging liquor, influencing arms tenders, dowry etc. However, there are many other ways of seeing your mug shot on the front page, than harassing compliant people.

In the last few years I’ve noticed the quality of army personnel degrading right from the enlisted man to senior officers. Take for example that most people today include army drivers in the list of road bullies and they now occupy the coveted spot right next to bus drivers. Or toll roads. Now toll roads are meant to be paid for by those who use it. The rules however, mention that defence personnel *on relevent duty* can show their papers and forgo the toll. I’ve seen private vehicles driven my army officers, drive up these roads, hold up the entire queue, and argue about why they want to go through the tollgate free. They will then continue their verbal tirade for about 10 minutes, fight for the princely sum of 20 rupees, and then grandly wave their hands, signifying the end of the arguement and fork out the money, with an attitude, that it didn’t really matter to them in the first place.

Apparently dignity, decency and officer like behavior are phrases that the Indian Army hasThought Pie › Create New Post — WordPress deleted from its dictionary and training.

- Sid

I was made aware of how widespread this trend is, when I was visiting a client’s office recently. We all know what an office boy does. He does the odd jobs around the office, brings the coffee, dusts the place etc. The office boy at my client’s office comes to me and says he is looking to do something better in life. He wants to become a graphic designer. I say ‘great! tell me how i can help’. It turns out he has been working here for the last 6 years, has a Bachelors Degree in Arts (English) and is only looking for general guidance.

Its reaching amazing proportions now. Most people don’t learn *anything* at college. The examination system is flawed and the uptodate portions of the syllabus would fit inside the left ear of a gnat. So what is this great fixation with degrees anyway? This great love of sophisticated sounding degrees is what causes hellholes like IIPM to get so big and then actually begin to believe the stuff they print in their ads. As can you see from earlier posts, I’m not a big fan of IIPM. A close family friend was telling me how he is getting his daughter into IIPM. I told him to cease and desist. Told him that their degrees aren’t worth the paper they are printed on. Naturally, he asked me ‘Why?’. All I could tell him was that the book written by their star was a piece of crap. Thankfully, now there are many more sources of information I can point him to.

I’m trying to make a difference to this scenario in whatever little way I can by TOTALLY disregarding degrees. I’ve hired people from IIT, noname universities, without degrees and everything else, FULLY based on merit. So they say ‘I’ve got the Advanced BTech Honours from BigPlushUniversity’. I say ‘wonderful. just fill out this form and write this test and then come do this assignment in the development lab’. They say ‘but I have this great big degree that says I know everything!’. At which point they must choose if want to work for me or worship the degree.

To end: Who would you rather hire, a competent person or a qualified one?